i was here from the start
by blue252
Summary: "Even though he's terrified he may have overstepped, he believes it's worth it if only he can give her just a little bit of the hope she gives him. If only he can show her that magic does exist and they've been dancing around the edges of it for longer than he imagined." A mid-season 4 oneshot. Winner of 3rd place in the Castle Hiatus Fanfiction Writing Contest.


_AN: This was my submission to the Castle Hiatus Fanfiction Writing Contest for Winter 2014. The guidelines allowed for essentially any topic with a word count of 1000 words or less, which is surprisingly difficult (or maybe I'm just wordy haha). This is set mid-season 4. I hope you enjoy it and I always appreciate any comments/feedback. Thank you so much for reading!_

**i was here from the start**

"There's something I want to show you."

"Hmm?" She glances up from the paperwork she's been studying to look at him.

Under her gaze, he falters for a moment, suddenly nervous because what he's done is impulsive. It's something that she'd have teased him about a year ago, rolled her eyes and flashed him that signature smirk of hers.

But things are different now. They're both different. And he has no idea how she'll react. Especially if he shows her what he's discovered.

His entire world has been off kilter since the shooting, since the summer he spent waiting for the phone to ring, seeing her face in every stranger that walked through the door, ghosts of memories haunting him every time he closed his eyes at night. Things have changed because how could they not with a bullet in her heart, a hole in his chest from her absence, and the three words left hanging between them.

He's tired and he knows she is too. He can tell by the way she looks at him now with a mixture of want and caution, the strain of pretending that things are normal – that they aren't broken versions of the people they were just a year before.

And maybe they _are_ broken, forever scarred by all that's happened. But it's the longing in her eyes that gives him hope, the way she watches him when she thinks he's not looking, the subtext in what she says and in everything she doesn't.

That's the real reason he needs to show her what he's found. Because even though he's terrified he may have overstepped, he believes it's worth it if only he can give her just a little bit of the hope she gives him. If only he can show her that magic does exist and they've been dancing around the edges of it for longer than he imagined.

"Can I take you somewhere, Kate?"

* * *

She has no idea where they're going. She's not even sure why she let him drag her out into the cold December night. It's just that there was something in his eyes she couldn't refuse - a look she only catches glimpses of nowadays, a spark of anticipation.

She misses that spark, the light that she sometimes wonders if she's forever stolen from him. So she can't say no - not when he looks at her like that.

The wind swirls around them as they navigate the city streets through crowds of Christmas shoppers. Somewhere, several blocks in, Castle took her arm in his, shielding her from a group of teenagers that had almost crashed into them. She thinks she should have disentangled herself afterward but he's warm and solid and his touch steadies her nerves as he guides her toward whatever surprise he's planned.

It's only a few streets more before he stops them and her eyes widen when she realizes where they are, her mouth opening and shutting again before she can say anything because there's no way he could possibly know – but then again, could he?

He squeezes her arm and she hears the low gravel of his voice against her ear, "I think you're going to love this place."

She drags her eyes away from the store, turns to look up at him then. In the glow of the streetlight, with the snow steadily falling, he almost appears ethereal and suddenly everything feels like a dream.

"I do - I mean I've been here before." She bites her lip. "Castle, this used to be my favorite bookstore."

His face lights up as he ushers her inside. "I swear I had no idea," he says softly, pausing for a moment before continuing. "It's kind of a crazy story. I used to come here in college because they sold coffee and I could hide out behind the stacks in those –"

"-old green chairs," they say in unison. She looks at him in awe, a mirror to the look he's giving her and she waits for what he's inevitably about to say, wondering again how much he knows.

He finally breaks their reverie and continues, "I convinced Paula to let me do a book signing here once, years ago. Everywhere on the tour was so commercial it just didn't feel right. Those weren't the places I'd go to escape inside a book for a day or to write Storm. They didn't need the publicity."

She nods in understanding, her heart warmed by the depths of him, the things he reveals that constantly amaze her, remind her of how kind he truly is.

"Anyway," he clears his throat, "the other day I was passing by and saw a sign in the window that they were closing. I came in and talked to the owner for a few minutes and I just – I couldn't –"

"You bought it," she finishes for him, the hint of a smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

He looks sheepish. "It felt like the right thing to do. But after the paperwork finalized and I came here to sort through things, I found this and…" His voice trails off. He pulls an old photograph from his pocket and hands it to her, watching as the recognition floods her face.

She stares down at the picture of a younger Castle giving her a signed, worn copy of Flowers For Your Grave.

"You never told me, Kate." There's only amazement in his gaze when she meets his eyes.

She takes a deep breath before she speaks, "It was snowing that day too. I must have waited for hours to get through that line." She pauses and reaches out to touch his arm, suddenly needing him to know. "Your words have always reached me, Castle. In ways I don't even understand. I didn't tell you when we met, but you deserve to know now. You deserve to know how much they mean to me – how much _you_ mean to me."

Her pulse races – hope filling the cracks in her heart as he tugs her in, wraps his arms around her. "I do know, Kate. I know." He pulls back slightly to meet her eyes. "And moments like this are what make me believe even more."

She leans forward again and whispers against his ear, "You make me believe too, Castle. Only you."


End file.
